


The Night I Almost Killed A Fox

by Cheriluvs10



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 11:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11125983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: X-Files. Mulder spends a night at Scully's apartment and almost drives her insane





	The Night I Almost Killed A Fox

"Gee Scully; it’s really nice of you to let me sleep over here while they fix the floor in my apartment."

I nod "That's ok, Mulder, but why did you're waterbed burst in the first place?"

Mulder looks down. He shifts his feet uncomfortably.

"Well, uh, there was a really good movie on the...Playboy Channel...and I guess I got a little carried away with my..."

"I'm not interested in all the details, Mulder"

Mulder looked relieved to hear that 

"Well anyway, I guess I got a little rough with the waterbed."

I watch as his face turns a bright crimson and I try not to laugh

"Well, you can sleep on the couch, if you don't mind that"

"No! no! no! Couch will be fine; I don't want to be a bother"

I smile "Mulder, I've been your partner for seven years, nothing you do could possibly bother me anymore"

"Well it's just that I get...restless during the night."

"I'm sure it'll be all right Mulder. I'm a heavy sleeper"

Mulder grinned "Thanks, I just wanted to warn you"

I head to my bedroom "Goodnight, Mulder"

"Goodnight, Scully"

Thirty minutes later...

"Hey Scully?"

I wake up groggily. "Hmmmm?"

"Do you get the Playboy Channel?"

"No Mulder, I don't have any desire to own that channel!

"Damn" I heard him mutter as I fall back to sleep

One hour later...

I nearly jump out of my bed at the noise. For a moment, I'm not sure where I am and then it suddenly falls into place. Mulder is snoring like a freight train. And I mean snoring!

SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAshhhhhhhhh, SNOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAshhhhhhhhh

I sit and listen to the symphony going on in my living room

"Jesus, Mulder!" I think. "It's a wonder your neighbors haven't had you evicted yet"

Groaning I switch on the clock radio to music. Concentrating on the music and not the elephant in my living room, I finally manage to get back to sleep

One hour later...

"FROHIKE!!!!"

I nearly jump out of my bed in fright. Through the door I can see Mulder standing by the couch.

"FROHIKE? WHERE ARE THOSE FILES I NEED?"

He turns around and I notice his eyes are still closed. Sleepwalking,

*Great.*

Mulder starts toward my kitchen

"Are they over here?"

I hear him walk into the kitchen and open the refrigerator door.

"Frohike, you better tidy up around here. Your file cabinet smells like bologna!"

I hear the door slam and I see Mulder come back beside the couch and then he starts toward my bed.

"Is it on your computer?"

He walks to my bed and straddles my stomach.

"You guys sure have weird chairs" he mutters

He grabs my left breast and uses it like a mouse, pushing it all around.  
I consider for a moment doing the same to his nuts, but I remember reading that you should never wake sleepwalkers, so I grit my teeth and pray that this doesn't go on all night.

"Hmmm" I hear him mutter "It's not on this page! Maybe it's on another page"

With his index finger, he pushes in my nipple several times as if he's clicking on something. I fight not to scream from the pain.

"Damn computer!!!" he says as he slaps the side of the screen which in this case is my right cheek.

Before I can cold-cock him, he gets off my bed and wanders back to the couch.

"Oh well" he says. "I'll look for it tomorrow" 

He lays back down as I sigh in relief

Two hours later...

"MOMMY!"

Oh, not again.

"MOMMY, SAMANTHA IS BEING A PEST!" he says in a little kid’s voice.  
A short pause

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!! SAMANTHA GETS AWAY WITH EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE SHE'S  
YOUNGER! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT STARTED IT! SHE IS!!!"

The ceiling above my head vibrates as the people above me pound on their floor.

*For the love of God, Mulder! Stop!* I think.

I'M ALWAYS GETTING BLAMED JUST BECAUSE I'M OLDER!!! IT'S not fai...SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAshhhhhhh,SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAshhhhhhhh

I wonder if I plead insanity after I killed him, would the courts buy it?

The alarm clock buzzes and I wake up. Silently cursing technology and  
Mulder, I sit up slowly in bed.

Mulder jumps up from the couch and stretches.

"AAAAAAH!"

Turning around he comes into my bedroom and stands at the foot of the bed.

"Scully, your couch is really comfortable! I've never felt so rested in all my life!"

Noticing my bloodshot eyes he says "What happened to you? Didn't you sleep well?"

Just as I’m about to strangle him, he turns and walks to the couch. Picking up his cell phone, he begins to talk into it as I shuffle into the bathroom to get dressed. When I come out Mulder is standing beside my bed with a disappointed look on his face.

"Um Scully? I hate to tell you this, but my floor isn't fixed yet, so I’ll have to stay another night with you."

The last thing I remember is the room going black as I faint.

"Scully?"

The End


End file.
